


Make Them Roses

by byronictrash



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Autistic Jason (Falsettos), Bipolar Marvin (Falsettos), Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Canon, Rent References, Suicidal Thoughts, actually the Rent reference is more like a easter egg, here I am projecting again yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 11:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byronictrash/pseuds/byronictrash
Summary: I remember you whenever I see a random rose bush in some random garden of random house of random people I don’t know.





	Make Them Roses

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey!!  
> So the situation is this: on the forth birthday of Whizzer's death, Marvin decides to leave a letter on his grave.  
> and it pass in 1986.
> 
> There's some descriptions of suicidal thoughts but nothing too graphic, just superficial and abstract stuff. Anyways, it's always good to warn :))

Dear Whizzer,

It has been a while. In this day, four years ago, you left us.

You know, lots of stuff have changed because, whether or not, it’s the natural course of the world. However, one thing stays in the exactly same way that it was four year ago and that is how much I love you.

To be quite honest, I have no idea why the hell I’m writing this letter knowing that it’ll never be responded, but I also miss talking to you, a lot. Whizzer, you were not just my lover, you were my best friend. With you, I felt comfortable to talk about literally anything and Geez… I would give everything to go back to those dawns that we discussed our randomities.

So last moth I was talking to Cordelia about how much I miss you and how I wish to somehow talk to you one more time, then she gave the idea of through out everything I wanted to say to you on paper. At first, I thought our very dear neighbor was kidding, but when she explained it was serious, I decided to try, until I get to this letter, I’ve spent the whole last month redoing and starting all over again because nothing seems to be good enough.

Anyway, here’s the final draft, I hope you enjoy.

Darling, I miss you so much that I barely know where to start. I miss you so hard that I miss even your flaws. You have no idea how our house is irritantly quiet without you shouting for me to hang up all my clothes, who could imagine that I would miss your hairy legs resting on my own while we watch some silly talking show? Our bed feels so empty, so big and so cold without you by my side, complaining every morning about the time that I have to get up to work. And there’s that bald spot of your hair that you always hated but I always loved. If I only could touch it one more time.

Everything reminds me of you. When it’s raining, I remember you saying that the bad weather is the best weather, I remember you whenever I see a random rose bush in some random garden of random house of random people I don’t know. I remember you when I walk down the street and see a magazine stand selling the Vogue of the month (by the way, the collection of Vogue magazines that you used to collect is still under our bed, just as you let them.) Everything reminds me of you due to the fact that, without you, life is just simply boring as shit.

Two months after you passed away, Charlotte confirmed: I have the virus too. When you were still in the hospital, she called me to talk, alone. Told me that was not certain, but, for being your partner, I probably got infected too, I even thought about telling you, but, thinking of how it would worry you, it would be too much. Anyway, now it has a name: acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, or AIDS for short, Charlotte says that being diagnosed early is a very good advantage in my treatment but I think she’s just trying to stay optimistic. In the end, I try to stay optimistic too.

I started to take the AZT and, frankly, I feel great, of course, some days are better than others. In the bad days, my fever gets very high and I sweat like a pig, not to mention all the body pain, especially on my hips, hurting like hell. In these bad days, I barely can get out of bed, but anyway I did not develop Kaposi sarcoma so don’t worry sweetheart, my wrinkles are still the only imperfection of my skin for you to mock me about.

Nevertheless, in the good days I barely remembers the virus. In days like this, I go the job normally. In days like this, I watch a Dallas episode and relax. In days like this, I play two or three games of chess with Jason (losing all of them terribly). In days like this, I almost believe in God.

 Speaking of Jason, you would be shocked with how much the boy grew up, can you believe he is almost my height? Neither can I! Jason also joined the chess club and last year he led his team to the nationals, you would be so proud of him. By the way, Mendel is cogitating the possibility of Jason having something called Asperger syndrome that could explain some stuff of his personality. Trina and Mendel are still sickly in love, oh Whiz, they often talk to each other with baby voice, and our lesbians neighbors adopted a cat called Hamlet and that made me discover that I am serious allergic to cat fur.

Since I was married for 10 years with a person who I experienced absolutely zero attraction and affection, is not surprising that before I met you I didn’t believed in love. But then you came to my life and, oh sweetheart, everything changed. With you I felt like a teenager in love, smiling like a fool, wondering if you were thinking of me like I was thinking of you. You made my life look like one of those Barbra Streisand romantic movies that you were passionate about. Thank you.

You always said how you thought roses were the most romantic flowers on Earth, especially the red ones cause “look at the Marv, so beautiful and full of passion”. In the first part of our relationship, I was a fucking jerk and didn’t give you the god damn flowers because I thought it was stupid, then I just forgot it, until you get sick. When you entered the hospital, I took the personal mission that there would always be a red rose on your bedside, and I did it, almost too late, but I finally gave your roses.

Holy fuck Whizzer, you would be astonished with Reagan’s negligence, that asshole didn’t say a word about the whole AIDS crisis, ignoring the biggest epidemic of the century, simply watching the citizens of his country dying cross-armed. Geez, when someone say something positive about this monster in the job, I almost puke, and the worst part is that this jerk will probably be reelected.

I won’t lie to you, the first months without you were pretty tough, all I could think about was how your death was somehow my fault. If I hadn’t break with you, you would never have gotten infected and would still be here, alive. So, when Charlotte told me to start taking the meds, I didn’t want it at first cause why me, the man who simply killed the love of his life, deserves to survive? I thought countless times about just finishing everything, skipping all the suffering and pain, but I just couldn’t do it.

The reason? Marvin is a coward.

Apparently, my dark vibe worried Mendel, who insisted that I went back to therapy and saw a friend of him. So I got this new therapist who’s not Mendel and she’s great. When I told her about our first nine (ten months) she got very interested by the times that I kind of lost control.  I also told her about that week in the beginning of 1979 when I spent three nights without sleep and didn’t get tired at all. Summing up, she’s studying the possibility of me having bipolar disorder, so hey, when you and Trina called me maniac it was kind of true, right?

This new psychiatrist also said that going to a life support group in Alphabet City would also help me to process all this stuff that’s going on. I have to confess you that in the first meeting I was pretty awkward, because how could I share my life complete strangers? So I stayed there, just listening. Anyway, in the second meeting a very charismatic drag queen came to talk to me in private, she told me that she was a drummer, her family was from Puerto Rico and other randomities. The funny part is that one of the first things she said to me was how my fashion choices were awful, just like you always said, and in this moment I felt comfortable to share with her our story.

So, in the next group meeting, I shared with the rest of the group about everything, about my divorce, about meeting you, about how I miss you, all of it. And you know what? I was awesome!

You know, Whizzer, I’ve never been a man of great faith but lately I’m trying to pray more. I have no clue of what happens in afterlife but I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you’re in a good place. Because if there’s anybody that deserves the eternal peace, this person is you.

 You were the sweetest, most incredible human being that I had the pleasure to me and I frankly don’t know what would I do if I hadn’t had the honor of loving you and being loved by you.

I know that during all my life I wasn’t the best Jew of the Torah but in all my prayers I ask incessantly to see you again in the future, so I could hold you for one hour more. Then, don’t you worry my love, everything will be all right.

 

 

With all my love, your Marvin.


End file.
